You've got a FRIEND in me.

Why is making friends so hard?

I can remember talking to several women who were so desperate to make just even one friend…. “I’ve tried to have friends but girls are mean,” they’d say.

Girls are mean?

But why do we have to be mean?

Why are we so quick to judge and slow to love?

Why is making friends so hard?

Why does it have to be hard?

In my life I’ve gotten so discouraged with friendships. We see it everywhere every single day. Women and men bullying each other online, people being so ugly to one another, calling names, etc.

I’ve watched High school suicide rates increase dramatically, during my time in school 4 kids committed suicide in the matter of two years. 4!!!! That is far too big a number. Between societal pressures to fit in no matter what age we are, to friends betraying each other, gossiping, and all the otter many things we become alone, isolated and quite frankly afraid to put ourselves out there and trust.

But why does it have to be this way?

Do you not know that God has called us to love one another, EVEN our enemies.

Do you not know that Christ Jesus calls us to see one another THROUGH HIS EYES?

Who are you surrounding yourself with and why?

Are you surrounding yourself with other women, couples, etc that are uplifting you and helping you be the best version of yourself? Are they pushing you towards success and helping you towards a relationship with Christ?

“Bad company corrupts good character.”

1 Corinthians 15:33

Friends who you surround yourself with affects EVERYTHING.

Mindset

Attitude

Behavior

Character

Spirituality

And so much more.

Am I who I want the world to see?

And am I who I want God to see?

Am I who I want God to see when I’m with my friends?

If the answer is no, there is a big choice to make. And the choice is not an easy one. God did not place these choices in our lives for them to be easy. Rather, he gave us free will.

This is not a choice just between right and wrong but a choice to FIGHT for our lives.

This can easily be one of the hardest things to do when we can so easily give into temptations around us.

Friends your life is worth fighting for. You are well worth surrounding yourselves, your families and your children with people who push you closer to Christ, encourage you, pray for you, see the good in you and celebrate it and most importantly are not afraid to confront you when you are falling.

So what does it mean to be the kind of friend God calls us to be? What does that look like?

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

1 Thessalonians 5:11

The truth is, when someone is willing to talk to us about another person, they are very likely just as willing to talk to another person about us. ⁣

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There are over 30 verses in scripture about the damage caused by gossip and slander. Why do we take it so lightly? It is a spiritual issue that reveals the state of our own hearts and how we view God's children.⁣

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By no means am I innocent of this. It has been a common struggle for me and my close friendships (and it is most difficult not to do it with my husband!) ⁣

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But BEFORE we talk about someone else and initiate gossip with one another, let us T.H.I.N.K:⁣

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Is what I'm about to say Truthful?⁣

Is it Helpful?⁣

Is it Inspiring?⁣

Is it Necessary?⁣

Is it Kind?⁣

⁣Is it loving?

Is it pleasing to God?

If the answer is no to any of these things, let us hold our tongues before we speak. ⁣

What is gossip really?

GOSSIP IS A SPIRITUAL ISSUE. TALKING BADLY ABOUT SOMEONE SAYS FAR MORE ABOUT YOU THAN THE PERSON YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.

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EPHESIANS 4:29

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

JAMES 1:26

“Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.”

WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE TO BE A GODLY FRIEND:

A good friend…

1. ENCOURAGES YOU

1 Thessalonians 5:11 tells us to, “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up.” That is the kind of friend Christ calls you to be! You should rejoice when your friend receives an award or recognition. You should encourage her to grow in her relationship with Christ. Being encouraging does not mean sugar coating everything, but remaining positive, even when the situation may seem bleak.

2. SPEAKS TRUTH

A godly friend speaks truth into your life, even when it is difficult to hear. A true friend loves you and genuinely wants the best for you. They will tell you both the good and the bad. She will tell you when she feels that you are walking away from the Lord or if she feels that you have been walking closer with God. She will speak God’s Truth into your life daily.

Jesus had a close friendship with Mary, Martha, and Lazarus to a point where they spoke plainly to him, and he resurrected Lazarus from the dead. True friends are able to speak their minds honestly to one another, whether right or wrong. Meanwhile, friends do what they can to tell each other the truth and help one another.

Luke 10:38 - "As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him." (NIV)

John 11:21-23 - "'Lord,' Martha said to Jesus, 'if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.' Jesus said to her, 'Your brother will rise again.'” (NIV)

3. SAYS THINGS IN LOVE

If you feel that God is calling you to speak a tough truth into a friend’s life, you must say it in love. Sometimes we need to help our friends gain perspective and see their faults and their gains. Gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit as told to us in Galatians 5:22, and should be used throughout a Christian’s life, especially with our friendships. Speaking a hard truth in gentleness and kindness can strengthen a friendship rather than hurt it. It can build trust and loyalty. Even if at first it is hard to hear.

4. PRAYS FOR YOU

A true and godly friend prays with you and for you. We all go through difficult phases in life and a true friend recognizes the need for a prayerful community and asks how she can pray on your behalf. My close friends and I meet once a week to share our walk with the Lord and even share how we have struggled in our spiritual walk. Having that kind of support and accountability is essential. Sharing your prayers and struggles with your friends is liberating.

5. IS THOUGHTFUL

A good friend thinks of others before herself (Philippians 2:3). She thinks about how she can serve others and encourage others in their walk with the Lord. She remembers birthdays and special days in her friends lives. She is intentional with her friendships and know their purpose is to honor God.

6. HAS SELF IDENTITY

A good friend recognizes her immeasurable worth in Christ. She is secure in her identity as a daughter of the Most High. She also knows that is your identity as well. That’s why she doesn’t get jealous when you succeed, instead she is the one in the crowd cheering the loudest for you.

7. IS LOYAL

A godly friend sticks by your side even when times are tough. She stands up for you when she needs to and always speaks positively of you. She knows that “out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45) and she only uses her words to build you and others up.

Abraham reminds us of loyalty and going above and beyond for friends. Abraham gathered hundreds of men to rescue Lot from captivity.

Genesis 14:14-16 - "When Abram heard that his relative had been taken captive, he called out the 318 trained men born in his household and went in pursuit as far as Dan. During the night Abram divided his men to attack them and he routed them, pursuing them as far as Hobah, north of Damascus. He recovered all the good

s and brought back his relative Lot and his possessions, together with the women and the other people." (NIV)

8. FORGIVES

We have all fallen short of God’s grace and are going to make mistakes. It is crucial to be able to forgive a friend when she has wronged you. Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” I am so thankful to have had godly friends who have forgiven me when I have wronged them. God calls us to forgive. Don’t confuse this with justifying an abusive friendship. Although you must forgive them, you do not have to remain in a harmful relationship.

9. IS A PEACEMAKER

A good friend cultivates peace in her relationships. She doesn’t revel in drama or discord. She seeks peace and harmony. Matthew 5:9 states, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” She doesn’t look to create unnecessary drama and is happiest when people feel included and loved.

10. BRINGS OUT THE BEST IN YOU

Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Friendships are supposed to strengthen your walk with the Lord. A good friend helps you be the best version of yourself. It is also your responsibility as a godly friend to

come along side your friends and encourage them.

Being a good friend can be SO HARD! If you truly want to be a good friend as God has called us to be, then we must abide in Christ.

It is important for us to remember that the purpose of friendship is: to honor God- Be the kind of friend God wants you to be. Look at others through GODS EYES. Seek God with all your heart and He will give you the power to be a good friend. Love others the way that Christ loves you and you will become the best friend a girl could ask for.

WHO ARE MY FRIENDS?

As I previously noted, Who you surround yourself with has such a huge impact in your;

Behavior

Mindset

Character...etc

Sometimes it’s hard to reflect and to have to to step away from those more toxic or unhealthy relationships in our lives.

For me, I really had to take a step back and ask myself.....

Am I who I want the world to see?

Wow. That’s a huge questions. My next question was

Am I proud to introduce my friends?

Would I like these people if I were on the outside looking in?

Am I proud of who I am and how I act when I’

m with them?

Do my friends push me closer to God?

DO my friends value the same things as me morally?

Do my friends gossip and try to pull me into slander?

If your answer is no friends, then there is a big choice to make. It’s not necessarily a choice between right and wrong, but the choice and battle to fight for YOU. And that can be one of the hardest choices in life.

When I graduated high school, I was hon

estly so disappointed in myself for the choices I had made in friends. I was surrounding myself with people who made me feel insecure, who didn’t build me up but just made me feel down, people who weren’t always the best influences or spoke with the kindest mouths. I was completely embarrassed. I never wanted my friends to come over, I didn’t even really want to go out in public much with them because I was so humiliated by who it looked like I was becoming, when in my heart I was SO MUCH MORE. Slowly, and I mean little by little I stepped away. It started by not “hanging out with them as much,” changing my mindset completely, going back to my roots, my foundation.... pretty soon these other people and I weren’t talking at all. That may seem sad, and I guess in some way or another it is always sad letting go of people or relationships, but for me, this was a huge relief, a chance to flourish, to grow, and to be the woman I knew I was capable of being, and to hopefully be an example for these people.

And sometimes it’s bigger than that, sometimes

it can even be “intimate relationships” (no I’m not talking about sex) I’m just talking about dating or whatever it is you kids do! Ha! Growing up I had THE WORST taste in boys! I had serious issues when it came to dating! I always chose boys

that put me down, were crazy controlling, who were pretty much rude to my parents, and who really just, well... they were not the best choices to say the least. (Hey that’s ok, we learn and we grow).

I remember that right before meeting my husband I was in a HORRIBLE relationship. I was miserable. I honestly just didn’t like him at all, and I didn’t like myself even more while I was with him. He was super emotionally unstable, serious anger issues, and was making extremely poor life decisions and going downhill fast! I was so scared to break up with him because honestly I didn’t know if he would be able to handle it at the time.... ( thank goodness for Jesus watching over us all!) I can remember just sitting, praying, asking God to bring me clarity. I was so lost, and I had no clue what to do.

One day, I woke up, and it was like my whole mindset had shifted. I wasn’t afraid to say enough is enough, I deserve more. I finally stripped myself away from this relationship, and oh how great it felt! I started to notice this pattern, this pattern with the boys I was choosing to date. They were really all just one in the same. And I decided to BREAK THE PATTERN. And once I did, I saw how much more was out there for me. Like the gift that is my wonderful husband. My rock, my absolute angel on earth.

Breaking patterns can go for friendships, family relationships, intimate relationships, etc. setting boundaries, and being able to see and be aware of your own patterns is hard. It took me YEARS! And believe me there are still patterns and habits I’m trying to break!

But it can be done. As hard as it is.

My point in all of this is to say, you are worth fighting for. You are worth surrounding yourself with people who build you, support you, encourage you, pray for you, see the good and the light in you and celebrate it. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. Remember we are all believers trying to figure out who we are. That’s natural, that’s real, and that’s human. Don’t beat yourself up for it. But there are times it is ok to walk from a situation or relationship as scary as that may be.

Remember:

You are a child of God. Created by the king of kings. Knitted in your mother’s womb, created in the image of God. You are HIS masterpiece. The one who can name every star, who knows exactly how many hairs are on your head. The one who called you by name before your mom or dad even knew what they wanted to name you in the first place.

You are worth it.