Don’t Drink the Punch at the Party

DON'T DRINK THE PUNCH AT THE PARTY

“Let no one despise you, for your youth, but det the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love in faith, in purity.”

1 Timothy 4:12

Growing up, I was no virgin to alcohol. I had grown up around it, seen close family members struggle with alcohol addiction, this was nothing new to me. As a young girl I always told myself, “That will never be me…I’ll never drink the punch at the party,” until I did.

When I was in High School, I was pretty much the furthest from my faith I had ever been. Though, I still believed in God, and I still prayed every now and then, I really wasn’t living a Christ centered life. I was so wrapped up in “fitting in” that I gave up caring about anything else. My friends at the time were pretty wild. They were sleeping around, going to parties, drinking, staying out past curfew, and here I was, this innocent girl who had never even been in trouble before. Little did I know that would change.

My first taste of freedom. I remember it so well. My parents were out of town and my best friend had finally convinced me to drink with her. She came over for a good old fashion slumber party, there was ice cream, cookies, face masks, mani pedis… and VODKA! We were living the dream! (At least until I woke up the next morning.)

That night I really out-did myself, I was falling all over the floor, I was throwing up everywhere, I kept thinking I was going to swallow my tongue. When I woke up the next morning I was soo embarrassed, and SO ASHAMED, but what I was even more ashamed of was the fact that some strange part of me enjoyed the secret life I had with it. It was like this one illegal thing I was doing and my parents had no clue...I mean, are you serious? How could I enjoy that. What was going through my mind that made me think that way okay? Why did I give in so easily?

The rest of high school I started going downhill fast. I was sneaking alcohol into my room while my parents were out of town or on business trips, drinking with friends on the weekends, basically thinking I was having the time of my life, little did I know there was so much more I was missing out on.

At this point, I was pretty much using God as a back up plan for my life. My life felt like it was doing pretty good, I finally had “friends,” and I was thriving! I had that teenage high school life you see in the movies and I loved it. I had boys chasing after me, I had friends and I was on my way to the top!

I remember, I was headed into my senior year of high school, I was independent and I felt like I was on top of the world. My best friend at the time was from the country of Germany, she asked me and a couple of other friends to travel back to Germany with her and spend the entire summer before our senior year…. WITHOUT OUR PARENTS! SCORE! (And did I mention the drinking age there is 16!) Look at me go, if only all those kids that made me feel so insecure early on in school could see me now.

The last day of school came, and it was time to fly overseas! I remember I had packed my suitcase the entire month before flying there. I was so excited. I took a leave of absence from my job at the mall, and better yet I got to be away from my parents for a whole summer. No rules, no problems, and better yet, the international calling and texting plan meant I didn’t even have to talk to them. I was in heaven! I could do what I want when I wanted while traveling and drinking my way across a country that was thousands of miles away!

The plane ride over I was a mess! I was so anxious to get there I didn’t sleep a wink the whole trip overseas. My mind was racing through all the adventures I would go on, all the foreign boys I would meet and all the fresh cocktails I would get to taste! Wow! I couldn’t believe I was getting to do this! I had always dreamed about traveling to other countries and now it was finally happening!

When I landed in Munich everything felt different. The air smelled fresh, pure and clean. The grass was a shade of green that I swear I had only ever seen on a Disney cartoon. The villages were stone and wood, the water was a shade of blue, no a shade of teal that didn’t even seem real. I was in absolute heaven. When I looked around the corner I saw my best friend and her father waiting to pick me up and take me to their village. We arrived in Horgou about 2 hours or so later. At this point it was time for our first night of adventure. A night on the town, (aka a night of clubbing and drinking and all things freedom!)

Now, this is where my story changes. That night changed my life. A night of what could’ve been a fun filled night in Europe was now a night I had to live with the rest of my life. A night that made me so angry with God, but eventually helped bring me to my knees so that I could be born again through him.

That night I was drunk. I'm not talking a little tipsy, I’m talking fall on the floor, unatractively drunk. I remember going into the bathroom. I was just about to pee when a guy came in. It happened so fast. It was all such a blur. I was so ashamed. I was so embarrassed. This Skylar, this was rock bottom. This was a piece of me that had been taken away. This was my demon. My best friend drug me out after she realized what had happened. She took me and got me straight to bed. I remember laying on her lap, crying. A kind of cry I had only ever cried a few times in my life. I was shaken, I was broken, I was defeated. When I woke up the next morning I had small bits and pieces to what had happened, but I woke up feeling violated, as if my body no longer belonged to me; she filled me in so I wasn’t in the dark. I never called it the R word. I never accepted that. I denied it. I was told it was my fault. I was told that I asked for it, that if I didn't want that to happen then I shouldn't have had anything to drink. It wasn’t until seeing a therapist, when she said “rape.” “It’s okay to call it rape.”

I was angry. I was angry at myself and better yet I was so angry at God.

“God, why would you let this happen to me?”

“God, where are you now? Why did you leave me?”

I remember the resentment well up inside if me. I hated myself. I hated who I had become. I hated my body. My dirty, ugly body.

What happened to me? What happened to the sweet girl I used to be? The girl who was so faithful and loyal to a God who has so effortlessly given his life for her. The girl who never defied her parents and always sought for trust and approval. What happened to me?

Rape wasn’t my fault. That’s not at all what I am saying. I didn’t ask for it, me drinking is no excuse for rape, but the state I was in made me incapable of standing up for myself, defending myself and fighting to get out of a situation. I was defenseless. The alcohol left me defenseless.

* To the girls and boys who were left defenseless, who still feel like they have no voice. You are NOT ALONE. You are HEARD. You didn't ask to be taken advantage of. You didn't ask to be violated. I believe you, I see you and your story. And whether the person was a complete stranger, friend, partner or anything else, that does not make it okay. Rape is Rape no matter who the person was that made you a victom to a horrible act.*

The rest of the summer I became quiet, reserved. My depression and my anxiety was back and in full swing. At this point I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t care about myself, I didn’t care about the value of my life. I just didn’t care.

I arrived back to the states, empty and alone.

I started school back, the first day of my senior year, and I was a different person. I ate lunch by myself. I lost all of my friends, I quit going out, I quit drinking, and I decided to try and focus on myself. My life, and where I was going. At this point I was no longer living at home, and was living at a friends house.

Homecoming was just around the corner, and I didn’t want to go to the dance. What was the point anyways? I didn’t have a boyfriend, I didn’t have any friends, again, and it all seemed so childish to me now. I resented everyone’s youth, everyone’s inocents. I didn’t have mine and I would never be able to get it back. Homecoming, that’s just stupid to me.

That weekend I had started a new job at Altar'd State. If you aren’t familiar with the clothing store, they are Christian based. It was much needed for me at this point in my life. A women came in asking for help finding a few items. I was so excited to help her. I loved all things clothes, and I was really good at it. We started talking more and more, about God, Faith, clothes and life. I asked her if I could pray for her. She told me that her son had just died. He was going to get on the school bus when a drunk driver hit him as we was trying to board. We prayed together. I prayed for her. A week later, my manager called me into her office to share that corporate received an email from that very women talking about how much I had helped her through this. She came

To our store feeling hopeless and somehow I gave her a glimmer of hope she needed. What she didn’t know is she gave me a glimmer of hope too, at just the right time. God however, had more examples to show me, he wasn’t done speaking.

I got home after my first day of work (the day after homecoming), and my friend I was living with was waiting for me when I got home.

“Skylar, something happened last night at homecoming,

Our friend John (using John as his name), drank too much. When he was sleeping he threw up in his sleep and choked. He’s dead.”

I had no words. All those memories I had. All those times I had been too drunk. I had been throwing up… that could’ve been me. I could have gone to bed and not woken up. I fell apart. I just fell apart. I finally “Got it.”

You see, it hit me. God had never left me. God had never forsaken me, he never turned away. He was always there. Showing me another way. Instead of death God gave me life. He gave me a chance to seek a life towards him. To reach for him instead of the punch. To fall at his feet, and say, “God, I surrender my life back to you.”

“Never will I leave you, Never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

For a long time I never understood why God allowed me to go through all of the things I did. But writing this blog, it is all so clear.

I always believed God would allow everything to happen for a reason-for his devine purpose. I believe my purpose is to share my testimony with all of you. That way you know, you are not alone, you are loved, you are worthy, and you are capable of so much more than this. Fitting in, girls, that’s not what’s cool. What’s really cool is a girl who stands out from the crowd, a girl who is the difference and not the cause. Be that girl. The girl that makes others strive to find Jesus. To have that kind of peace. Remember, you are who your friends are. Surround yourself with those who help you be your greatest self. Surround those who make you want to be better, not who try to tempt you towards a life of destruction. I promise who you surround yourself with will make such a huge impact on who you become.

God says,

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out, so that you can endure it.”

1 Corinthians 10:13

Ladies, trust me when I say, Don't drink the punch at the party. It doesn’t taste good, and it will make you sick the next day. You may even lose a friend or two along the way because of it. I promise you it’s overrated, I promise you that red solo cup is not as fun as the song makes it sound. You have your whole life to try the punch, but be cautious, and right now, enjoy that kaprison while it’s there. You have so much life to live, and so much to live for. Always remember Jesus loves you and is guiding you every step of the way. It’s okay to have a drink, God does not condemn having a glass of wine. Am I saying not to have a drink? Absolutely not. I myself enjoy going out for a glass of wine or stopping at the local brewery for a drink with my husband, and there is nothing wrong with that. Jesus turned water to wine, he by no means condemns us for a glass or two on occasion, but he does condemn getting drunk, being out of control, not of yourself, and your senses. That is a sin in his eyes, friends don’t drink your life away. Enjoy your innocence, your youth, and Don’t drink the punch at the Party.

All my love,

Xoxo,

Skylar