Our reason WHY; birth and postpartum story.

OUR BIRTH AND POSTPARTUM STORY

“Just as you will never understand the mystery of life forming in a pregnant women, So you’ll never understand the mystery at work in all that God does.” Ecclesiastes 11:5 MSG

The birth of our daughter. Truly the most magical, wonderful and beautiful gift from God; along with the journey getting here. I’m so excited to share our journey, our testimony and story with all of you. To start our story, I’ll have to set up the background in order to circle around to where we are today.

We conceived our baby in September of 2020. It was an absolute and complete surprise to us. In early October I noticed that I had to use the restroom ALL the time, for me personally I thought I had a UTI. I had never had a UTI that I could remember so I honestly didn’t know much about them other than frequent urination.

At the time, I was working for a PCP office, which happened to be where my PCP was as well. I remember stopping by the nurses station to ask if I could leave a urine sample in the lab to check for infection. At this point my period was about two days late, which honestly for me was not completely abnormal, and I ruled it as being apart of a possible UTI. The nurse looked at me and said she would check for pregnancy also to just be sure... I laughed at her, I said, “Go ahead, haha I seriously doubt I’m pregnant.”

I was eating lunch when the nurse called me back to her pod, the doctor was standing in one of the patient rooms waving me over.

“Your UTI is negative.....

But your pregnancy test is positive. Congratulations!”

Tears. Nothing but sobbing tears. I was so incredibly overjoyed. Joy, love, happiness, it all filled my heart, came over me in just this huge wave which I had never felt before.

“Can I call my husband?! I have to tell him.”

I’ll never forget calling him while he was working under a house. Crying my eyes out with happiness, “We’re pregnant!”

Love filled both ends of the phone.

Here’s the thing though. As much love as we had, we were in very different places.

My favorite way to explain this is by using a seesaw analogy. If you are looking at a seesaw, I was sitting higher, and my husbands side was tilting towards the ground. We weren’t meeting in the middle, if anything we were pretty far from it.

Spiritually we had no connection to one another. Especially after becoming pregnant I immediately knew what morals and values I needed in our home. I was trying to dive into my relationship with God even more, and Andrew was at a stand still.... More so he was sinking. He explained his relationship with God at the time very well on a recent social media video he shared. He explained how he had become a “Christian Athiest” at the time. He believed in God, but he wasn’t living a life for Christ. At least not when it wasn’t convenient for him. Instead, he felt like he should get to do worldly things that God may not agree with, almost like saying I’ll listen to this commandment but ignore you about this other one over here.... It was an ongoing internal love- hate relationship he was constantly fighting; and it hurt to watch.

I was struggling. I wanted to “fix” the issue. I wanted to help him find his way. For those of you that have experienced this in marriage or relationships, when you aren’t connecting spiritually, you aren’t connecting as much physically, or emotionally. It all just feels a little more empty. He wouldn’t pray with me, and at one point I was even going to church alone. It was hard, it was lonely. I remember being at church one morning and breaking down into tears telling the pastor that I didn’t know what happened to my husband, to the man I knew he could and wanted to be. I told him that I’ve tried to be a spiritual support system, I’ve tried to talk to him, but nothing was working, if anything I felt like it was making him resent me more. The pastor put in a prayer request and prayed over me. He prayed for me, our baby, our marriage, and for my husband.

I didn’t realize it then, but I was handling the situation completely wrong. Instead of supporting my husband and trying to help him through his journey with Christ, I was trying to shove God down his throat. “You can’t do this... you should be doing this..... I want you to..... why can’t you do......” the lost key going really. My intentions were good, but my method was destructive. And it only pushed us further a part. We were happy, we were in love, but we weren’t content. We weren’t connecting.

About halfway through our pregnancy our car was stolen. Taken right from outside our window at the apartment we were living at. We only had one car, so needless to say this made things a bit tricky. We had no idea what we were going to do. Luckily God showed up, and helped us through the situation. We ended up moving from the place we were living into a nice home with much more room and space for us, and our baby.

One morning, I was dropping Andrew off at work. I remember the car ride being silent. When he got out of the car he barely kissed me goodbye. I pulled out of the parking lot, and started to pray as I did everyday-

When I tell you I prayed 24/7 from the day I found out I was pregnant, I’m not over exaggerating. I would pray from the moment I woke up, throughout the day- in my car, in the bathroom, in my head, and then I would pray myself to sleep. The things I prayed for were this;

● Good health/strength for me, baby and our pregnancy

● For my marriage, my anxiety and my fears.

● For my husband. That God would open the eyes of his heart that we would love and see

one another through his eyes.

This particular morning I cried. I finally understood that this was not about me.

“God I surrender my husband TO YOU. I know now that to work in his heart it must come FROM YOU.” I knew then, that God would have to speak to my husbands heart, that i couldn’t control any of it. It had to be him. I could already see God was working in Andrew. He was helping him in so many ways, drawing him closer and closer.

At this point we were moved into our new home, it was getting closer and closer to baby time, and things were definitely starting to get a little bit crazier.

When I hit 35 weeks, I was sitting at home just like a normal day when I starting experiencing waves of pain. Coming and going. Mostly in my lower back. My husband, Andrew, was 2 hours

away working, so I called the hospital to ask what I needed to do. They told me to come in to be checked out and see what was going on.

When I arrived, the pain was getting more intense. I was getting so nauseas and having horrible hot flashes. The doctor came in to check my cervix when she said “You are contracting. Babies head is sitting right there where I can feel it... and you’ve started dilating. Let’s get you down to be hooked up to a monitor.”

At this point I was pretty much a nervous wreck. Turns out I was in preterm labor. After about 8 hours being hooked up to monitor with contraction every 3-4 minutes, they were able to stop my contractions, and sent me home on bedrest until the baby came.

From that point on it was a guessing game. But I honestly didn’t think she would make an appearance before the induction date we had already scheduled for June 22nd.

Turns out, she had other plans.

On June 17th, Andrew left for work. He kissed me goodbye like every morning, and went to his job almost 3 hours away.

And that’s when it happened.

Horrible waves of pain. Resignating from my lower back and around to my front. It wouldn’t go away. It kept coming. My stomach was tightening up so hard. I bounced on my birthing ball, drank tons of water, took about 4 hot showers, ate food. Nothing was offering any relief. After the last shower I sat on the toilet to use the bathroom when fluid just fell out. My water broke. My heart just kinda dropped. I knew it my heart it was my water breaking, but I kept telling myself it was anything but. “It was just pee,” I told myself.

But the contractions kept getting worse.

Finally I called the hospital and they told me to come in right away to be checked.

I had no car, Andrew was three hours away, so I called my mom who was able to take me to the hospital.

They checked my cervix, and did a Cotten swab to check for amniotic fluid to see if my water had indeed broke.

The door opened.

As soon as I saw the nurse carrying IVs, and wrist bands I knew.

The doctor came in following her.

“Well, your water is broken. You are having a baby! Congratulations! We will be watching how you progress through labor yourself and about 2-3am start you on pitocin to kick things up.”

My eyes got huge. My mom says she will never forget the look on my face when they said that. Again, tears. I was so excited. This is the moment that we had been waiting and preparing for, for 9 months. What love and joy.

Andrew rushed from work to get to me as fast as he could. Sweet boy, actually ended up getting pulled over on his way to the hospital- luckily they understood and let him go!

We got into our room, and love, and excitement filled the air.

My birth did not go at all how I had planned it to, honestly do they ever? I had it in my head exactly how I wanted my birth to go, and genuinely thought it would go just the way I had it planned out. But God had other plans, that I never expected.

Around 3am the nurse and doctor started a pitocin drip to help the process along.

The doctor kept telling me the pitocin would make the contractions worse and I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Well, I slept great and I felt like superwoman because I thought I was handling those contractions so well! I was feeling like I was the stuff! Eventually around 7:30am Andrew and the nurse convinced me into getting the epidural and by now I was thinkingI should probably get it at this point.....

However, when I got the epidural my body had a bad reaction to it. My blood pressure dropped crazy crazy low, and baby girls heart rate dropped. Tons of nurses rushed in, I was out on oxygen, could barely move I felt so weak and the epidural was making my whole body numb. I kept gagging like I needed to throw up but couldn’t. They got baby girl stabilized but my body was having a hard time. They ended up giving me some shots in my hip and got me stabilized, at this point I was starting to get scared, but I was pushing through. I stayed in the oxygen for a while, and started playing worship music to keep me calm.(worship music during labor or in the hospital in general will seriously help so much.)

At the beginning of my pregnancy, God had out two verses on my heart. I sold them every single day, and even taped them on my desk at work.

“The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run and are protected.”

Proverbs18:10

“Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.”

Hebrews 13:5

I didn’t know it at the time. But God placed those on my heart for a reason.

From here on out things started moving a little faster. Once I got to 10cm dilated, the nurse said it was time. I was so excited, but I was nervous. It started to hit me like a ton of bricks, honestly I couldn’t believe it was actually happening.

The nurse looked at Andrew.... She told us the doctors were all in c-sections so it was just gonna be her and Andrew delivering right now,, and hopefully the doctor would make it in. (Don’t worry she did end up making it!)

When it came time to start to push, I started to realize I was feeling more than I thought I should..... the epidural had started wearing off. By the time I was a good 45 minutes into things I could pretty much feel it all. I pushed for two hours total.... By the time the doctor got in I was yelling in pain, but I was pushing through-(Literally!)

Then. There she was. A moment in time that stood completely still and I will never forget. The sounds, the smells, the feeling. The moment she came out there was so much relief. I was so emotional for so many reasons and so joyous to finally meet and hold our baby girl.

When it came time to stitch me up, they didn’t numb me, honestly I just wanted them to get through it fast. I didn’t care if I was numb or not, I didn’t want to go through getting numbed. The whole time she was stitching me up I just watched the nurses with our baby girl. Listening to her cry. Crying myself and saying how beautiful and perfect she was.

After two days we were able to come home to the hospital.

It was perfect. Our family of three, all cuddled up in our perfect home.

But things for me started to feel all but good.

I kept having horrible headaches. I couldn’t shake them. My legs, and my feet became so swollen I had horrible edema in them. Something didn’t feel right. Some people tried to say it was just normal postpartun stuff. But I felt like it was more.

I called my doctor and went in for a visits. She ran some blood test and that’s when the scariest thing happened.

My phone was ringing off the hook. The nurse tried calling me 3 times until I finally answered. “Skylar, the Dr. has been on us to reach you immediately. You need to get to the hospital now. Your blood work came back very abnormal.”

I was shaken.

I didn’t understand.

Up until now my pregnancy had been healthy, I had been healthy. What was wrong?

I got to the hospital with Andrew. When they got me back to the room, my blood pressure was sky high and the protein count in my urine was crazy high. The doctor came in, “Hey sweetie, we are going to need to get you admitted immediately. Your blood work is showing your liver and kidney function levels are not doing what they need to be doing. Your blood pressures and proteins are extremely concerning. We need to get you hooked up to a Magnesium drip to prevent seizures and to get you well. After that we will monitor you for 24-48 hours.”

I was diagnosed with Postpartum Preeclampsia.

I was shattered.

I was scared.

I couldn’t stop crying.

Luckily they allowed us to have the baby in the hospital with us since I was breastfeeding... but Andrew had to take care of her,

I felt like a horrible mother. I felt like I wasn’t able to take care of her, I grew so weak, I couldn’t hold her, feed her or anything. My vision was so blurry I started seeing double. Andrew had to pick me up and help me into a toilet they had set up at my hospital bed. It was miserable. I was scared, and I didn’t understand why this was happening. “Why God?”

I was overwhelmed by anxieties and emotions. I kept paging the nurses crying, asking if I was going to be okay. I was playing worship. Unix, crying, trying to hold my beautiful baby when I felt strong enough too and focus on getting better.

Finally, I was able to come off of magnesium so they could monitor me and see how my pressures would do. They took labs every couple of hours, to check my blood levels.

When I came off the mag drip Andrew embraced me, he was crying, “You really scared me.”

He sat with me in my hospital bed.

He prayed with me.

He told me he committed his life back to Christ.

He told me he was so sorry for putting his relationship with God on the back burner and for being angry with me for it.

He told me he didn’t want to have a love hate relationship with God anymore. That he wanted to be all in. He wanted to be a man, leader, father and husband in Christ.

At that exact moment, I closed my eyes, and I said, “This is why.”

God knew through every prayer I prayed that even though I couldn’t do it myself, he was going to use me to speak to Andrew, to bring him back to him. He knew that through my pain, it would allow Andrew to find Life.

It was hard. I wouldn’t wish Preeclampsia on anyone. And I pray, my next pregnancies are easier and I don’t have to deal with that. But God showed up. God protected us with his righteous right hand. He never left, nor did he forsake us.

He provided us with something beautiful. He gave me my husband back. He made him the father, leader, and man I knew he was. He helped me. He helped me love him more. He helped me want to be an even better mother, an even better wife and allowed me to be able to see the “Why.”

I pray that through any obstacle you may face, you somehow can see Gods goodness, purpose, plan and reason WHY.